Thursday, March 24, 2005
there comes a point in life where words really dont mean a thing and actions are just actions. it doesnt matter how hard you try, the effort you put in, the heartbreak you go through, at the end of the day, its not what youve done, but its what other people get in return. thats the exterior of the situation, the general understanding and the reality of situations which involves 2 parties.but does what you yourself think actually matter? correction. does what you think matter to other people? hell no. cos at the end of the day, everyones a selfish bitch, including myself. but this selfless act of mine results in me drowning in my own disappointment. i hate that word.
ive been proven right, that im nothing but a big disappointment. i dont know why i was hanging on to that little hope (for the fear of disappointment) only to be a real diasappointment in the end. a bigger one for that matter. let me tell you guys, this can be replayed over and over and over again in different matters/parts of my life. be it friends, family, and whichever part of life lah there is left. not going to bangkok, biggest disappointment, major project, another huge disappointment, even falling for the wrong bloody guy has led me to my own disappointment.
i mean seriously, am i that much of a failure? im not trying to seek sympathy from others by writing this entry, but really, i cant stop questioning myself.
so cheers to me and disappointment.
i am nadi; :] at 2:23 AM