Wednesday, November 12, 2008

the current news stands say, change is good. but what if all of me gets lost with it?

i have 2 days left of my usual routine, after which, i haven't quite pictured what's gonna happen, what im gonna do, what im not gonna do, what im gonna try to do, what i shouldn't even try to do. i have a few options laid out in front of me, but having options doesnt make things easier.

i figured coming out with a list and weighing the pros&cons would be a practical start, but i cant seem to find the space for that that small kick in the butt. the whole process is endearing, and i believe more can be done with a nourished mind, and not that stale thing thats in my head.

contradictory to what my name actually means; nadi : heartbeat, i feel myself being driven down lower to my grave as each day passes. i guess having dreams (or in my case, options) is not as important as having guidance and support. i know there are people out there always watching my back, and i am thankful.

i know the problem lies in me. because im indecisive like that. its different when it a generic matter like say, shopping. you get what you like. 'should i buy this?' is really a rhetorical question if you ask me. but when someone points a gun at you, and leaves flowers at your grave, you really start to wonder if this all made sense in the first place.

im a walking midget emotionally (and sadly physically too), and i cant seem to find the height to stand myself up straight.

i have family and friends that are constantly around, we bicker we fight, we lose them, but they always manage to find their way back.

but, what if if i lose myself, will i find my way back?

i am nadi; :] at 1:43 PM



Post a Comment