Monday, January 24, 2005

i dont know what to feel anymore.


-The Flat blue Rabbit Association

i am nadi; :] at 11:15 PM


k, please tell me why im missing you so bad these days :(

*sigh* im in that state again. i need someone to console me, other than myself. i feel like this whole goddamned world is closing down on me, right to bits. and im struggling just to keep my head out of the water.

and you. youre not helping mister.

-The Flat blue Rabbit Association

i am nadi; :] at 1:47 AM


Sunday, January 23, 2005

met up with the ol gang+monz in the end. pantat gatal. cant keep my arse at home for even a day.


k. im missing you to death.
happy birthday rej :) we'll be rich some day. i'll keep my fingers crossed.
im starting to doubt myself on my capabilities for fyp. yea i know. a bit too late. jia lat.
i just realised i dont really know how to work my cd writer.
i hate technology. yet im fully dependant on it.
just like how were dependant on din to drive us around.
i need to get out of this country. im running out of places to go.
tsunami? bangkok? i dont know. maybe vietnam.
i soooooo need to get a new phone. nad's phone looks better than mine now.
i had fishball noodles again today.
i miss my handmade noodles :(

It's funny how the world changes sometimes. How the streets you've walked you're entire lifetime suddenly seem darker, colder. How the silence isn't so quiet anymore. How eyes you've barely even noticed, now look at nothing but you. How the walk home every night is no longer a routine, but a victory. And then you begin to wonder, maybe it's not the world that's changed, maybe it's just you. And then, suddenly, you begin to wonder all over again.

-The Flat blue Rabbit Association

i am nadi; :] at 1:44 AM


Saturday, January 22, 2005


i think im gonna stay home today and sit meself in front of the telly.

the dvd player will be my best friend :)

i cant wait. yeyness.

i feel like shopping. its been a long time.

i thought of you today.

-The Flat blue Rabbit Association

i am nadi; :] at 1:27 PM


Thursday, January 20, 2005

Lost love is still love. It takes a different form, that's all.
You can't see their smile or bring them food or tousle their hair or move them around a dance floor. But when those senses weaken,another heightens. Memory. Memory becomes your partner.
You nurture it. You hold it. You dance with it.
Life has to end, " she said.

" Love doesn't. "

went to bed emotionally distraught last night. had quite a day. and more emotions were added to it today. tears were shed. both of joy and sorrow. too much was felt. im having a hard time expressing it.

time will do you guys good. and ive said this before, love will come around when the time is right. for now, i'll just sit back and watch the show. i'll bring in the popcorn during laughters, and my shoulder when you cant hold back the tears. i'll only hope for a good show. everybody likes a happy ending. im crossing my fingers for you both.

those tears of sorrow brought us back to reality. i felt it. you felt it. so did you. and so did you. it was a moment for us four. and im requesting for an encore. cos it felt right. just right.

im still full of emotions. love seems to be everywhere. yah i know, wrong timing.

so much has been going on around me that ive hardly had time to think about myself. and to start with i dont even get that very often. the only time ive had to think is when i sit down in front of this very screen, thinking about me screwing up my first crit. which i kinda did by the way; nervous breakdown. close to tears. yes. more tears. again.

i feel like such a maddie. write so long. but i cant help it. im stifled inside. there are things that i wanna say out loud but i just cant. so this is my remedy. i used to write letters cos i always had trouble saying the right words face to face. and that always gets me into shit cos i usually regret the things being said. maybe i should start writing again to save me from the heartbreak.

sel, youve been gone too long girl. im wondering how youre doing. youve been missed too much.
kelly lets have tea. really soon please. i need you pretty badly now :(
nad, <3 u many sia.
rishi and aunt agony. thanks for being sane.
dinster. hang in there bro.
mr 're-shearch'. i wanna keep you in my pocket, all to myself and never let you go. but i cant.
perks if you read this. i miss the old days. and guess whose bday is coming *grin :)

ergh. i need a smoke.

-The Flat blue Rabbit Association

i am nadi; :] at 10:06 PM


Wednesday, January 19, 2005

i just realised i havent updated this thing for a whole week already. been pretty busy chilling with the dawgs and trying to do work. and now... ah well... everyone needs some time off :) anyway my servers been a bitch these days.

someones made me appreciate my life more than i already do. im thankful that life aint that screwed up for me. i mean, yah there are complications once in awhile, but they make the turning points in my life be it good or bad.

to the dear friend, life's a struggle. you gotta be strong for yourself, and nobody else. whats passed has passed, so be it. the future is like a blank piece of paper. its up to you to fill it up. dont let love take you over. let it come to you when the time is right. and i do believe, it will come. but the reality is that you cant always get the one you love. needless to say, this is the sad truth.

i think i love you cos i cant get you.

back to work mode now.

-The Flat blue Rabbit Association

i am nadi; :] at 6:45 PM


Thursday, January 13, 2005

gotta get my arse working on my illustrations for fyp. the disciplining aint workin well for me. the late night wonderings are still around, and as much as i need them to stop, i need those late nights to keep me sane.

my effing hotmail accounts being a bitch. apparently, im sending porn mail to everyone in my address book. and i myself am getting them from my 7 year old brother. yea. sure. like he would know how to send me porn.

someone recommend me a pornbustah.

its hard not to love u.

-The Flat blue Rabbit Association

i am nadi; :] at 6:22 PM


Wednesday, January 12, 2005

smoke smoke smoke.

-The Flat blue Rabbit Association

i am nadi; :] at 2:50 PM


Monday, January 10, 2005

i really gotta start disciplining myself - and that goes for the rest of u guys too o'l gang; and get my arse working on my fyp. no more chilling at coffee shops for 7 hours, craking our butts off with lame-ass-din-jokes, burning our oesaphagus with pall malls and viceroys, and jamming rishi's phones with uncountable dawgster pictures. i enjoy the company and the time, i do, but whoa. next time we chill, our books are coming with us, and we'll still keep the pall malls rollin.

speakin of coffee shops, miss k, im missing our tea days.

i feel like posting a long entry. not cos ive got a whole bunch of ramblings waiting to pop out of my head and onto the screen, but cos ive got work to do and im finding ways and means to stall time. heh. im staring at my sister's crazed obsession of taufik batisah, yes, the singapore idol. i understand that its most prolly puberty and at this stage she's very likely to fall for any tom-dick-harry-famous-bastard that wanks on stage, but whoa. chill sista. hold on to your screams. no matter how much you scream into the radio, he cant hear you.

i feel like pasta.

ive still got some things cooped up in my head thats waiting desperately to be released. im stubborn. im egoistic. call me a man, but when it comes to matters of the heart, being strong is my weakness. its unhealthy i know, suffering by myself inside, but i cant bring myself to appear affected in front of others. i'd rather brush up on my acting skills. im a loyal follower of 'read between the lines and thou shall be enlightened' , i dont do straightforwardness. or at least not in this case. my strength is my weakness. im just waiting to win, or waiting to lose. i think im closer to the latter.

someone's birthday is coming up. shites.

ok i think ive stalled enough time from the thick sociology book staring at me. im gonna stall more time by tuckin in. hah. i forgot how to study lar.

-The Flat blue Rabbit Association

i am nadi; :] at 11:16 PM


ive said wat needed to be said. exchange of thoughts. but doesnt change anything my dear.

im not hoping for anything too.


sorry for feeling this way.

-The Flat blue Rabbit Association

i am nadi; :] at 5:38 AM


im happy being sad. so its ok.

-The Flat blue Rabbit Association

i am nadi; :] at 2:00 AM


Friday, January 07, 2005

still nothing.

-The Flat blue Rabbit Association

i am nadi; :] at 1:57 AM


ive been staring at the monitor for the past hour and nothings coming into my head.

-The Flat blue Rabbit Association

i am nadi; :] at 1:17 AM


Wednesday, January 05, 2005

its been said before, many a times. but i'll say it again for this one last time.

i wanna go back to the good times in vietnam. i do.

xin dung que toi - forget me not.

-The Flat blue Rabbit Association

i am nadi; :] at 8:07 PM


ive thought some things over, and as sad as it may seem, its only right if others come before myself.
certain things are worth the sacrifice, and this one, fits perfectly in the list. so im making a pass at this chance, and i pray for something better to come by.
things are good the way they are now, so lets not jinx it.

i think i can live with this torture.

and to whom it may concern, if you can see right through me, you should be able to read right through this.


-The Flat blue Rabbit Association

i am nadi; :] at 7:48 PM


missed class. again.

i sat in a car. again.

again, it was fun.

-The Flat blue Rabbit Association

i am nadi; :] at 7:45 PM


Tuesday, January 04, 2005

i heard, the gods were bored. thats why they created human beings.

i met k and sat in a car.

i wore black sandals and ate chicken.

who knows.

-The Flat blue Rabbit Association

i am nadi; :] at 3:53 PM


Monday, January 03, 2005

meeting k today. after a bloody long time. finally. yes, uve been missed. like way too much missy.

schools a being a punk. no, correction. fyps being a punk. and a real pain in the arse; cos seriously, nothing good is coming out of me. nothing.

im bored. someone please entertain me.

lets do this again.


lets feast on whats in my head.

nad <3
new hair
blue pen
muji notebook
major proj
yellow beads
computer screen
big computer screen
tummy ache :(
mr jones
mrs jones
tiger lily

im annoying myself. like terribly, terribly.

-The Flat blue Rabbit Association

i am nadi; :] at 1:45 PM


oi! stop reading.

-The Flat blue Rabbit Association

i am nadi; :] at 1:39 PM


dinner was superb.

we ate till our buttons popped :)

-The Flat blue Rabbit Association

i am nadi; :] at 1:45 AM


Sunday, January 02, 2005

rishi ho, im awaiting your return.


-The Flat blue Rabbit Association

i am nadi; :] at 1:19 PM


i love the smell of rain.

too much obstruction in the nose for me to smell it this time. boo :(

-The Flat blue Rabbit Association

i am nadi; :] at 1:03 PM


happy new year.

its a bit late, yes i realised, but after 2 long days, i finally managed to get my fingers clicking on this very keyboard in the new 2005. fooh. im literally shagged out of my wits. but i'll still spare myself these few minutes to type out a little something, not because ive got a whole lotta shit to share, but just because i havent been clicking on this keyboard enough. and im missing it. heh.


to my everdearest k, im still missing you dear.

and no, im not abandoning you. i wouldnt have the heart to do so cos i very much still heart you many.

-The Flat blue Rabbit Association

i am nadi; :] at 1:12 AM